Monday morning we lost our sweet baby boy. We have been more sad than I can say.
We were so excited to meet him. We were so proud of our boy. We felt our family was at last complete. We were already daydreaming of bunk beds and the wrestle-snuggles only little boys can give.
But he came and went in the night. And we already miss him.
A few weeks ago I wrote of our joy and I said we would never be the same. I knew then that statement could cut both ways. I hoped never to be on this side of it.
I never wanted to write this update, never wanted to live all these reversals. But I will thank God for our son, and I will celebrate him in life and death.
Bear Mountain Griz
After a night in the hospital and a morning of labor, he came around 12:15 PM, October 29, 2013. He was a mere five ounces and 7 inches long. But he was perfect. Perfect hands. Perfect feet. Perfect toes. A perfectly formed mouth. A little, cute tummy. Long legs.
The doctor could discern no cause of death. She just said, “He’s beautiful.”
We named him Bear Mountain Griz.
We had joked in the past this would be the most awesome boy name ever. But as we considered it again, it seemed the right name for our boy. “Bear” because he will always be our little bear. “Mountain” because he will always loom large in our hearts and minds, and because we have faith God can move our Mountain.
In the midst of all this, we have seen so many little graces. And we want to testify to God’s goodness and provision in the storm. We are so thankful for all the friends and family that have reached out to us, prayed for us, and offered us help. It means so much. We are thankful for a nurse who cried with us, a doctor who told us she was praying, moments of total peace, a gentle and relatively short labor, and so many other graces I do not have space to list here.
What now? I don’t know. But it feels really good to write about him. I’ve been writing all day. Maybe I’ll share more of it later. In the mean time, we will rock in the waves and ease back into the rhythms of life.
We will continue to thank God for our son and long for the morning, when God will be our light and death will be no more. We set our sights on that day.